The Price Tag on the Groom

Why do some people think it is okay to take dowry irrespective of whether it is demanded or given happily? There are many answers and perspectives revolving around this question, the most common being “Let’s ignore the question and grab the booty with a sound conscience”.

One of my friends got engaged recently and everyone congratulated him, not just for his engagement but also for getting a whopping 20 lakhs rupees as dowry. The group which included many 'righteous in most other things' persons had a party that night to celebrate the same.There are no two ways about it; demanding, expecting or accepting dowry is downright self derogatory.

It may not be possible to reach a logical conclusion for this question, but that is simply because it's largely about ethics and character than about something which can be split into ones and zeros. In an ill and unethical society, dowry is considered to be a pseudo social symbol, but the question again arises, why do you think it is okay? Does your ego really need such a detestable boost?

Some people argue that it is free money, why not just take it? I do not agree with the notion that dowry is free money. No sir, it is not free money. It is a price tag which you put on yourself for your partnership in a lifelong relationship of love and companionship. No one's giving it to you for free, they are buying you just as they would buy a cow which would give them milk for many years and help them stay secure for life. The more milk the cow can give, the more people would be willing to pay for it. So it is what people are willing to pay for you, assessed based on your family's wealth and how well you are doing, even the slightest of things like how fair your skin is and how straight your nose is, turn out to be factors.

Dowry was never one of our traditional customs; it is a social evil which crept in during times when women did not have a right to the family wealth. Our traditions were drastically different from this social evil. We are from a society which treated its daughters as goddesses. Did Ram demand any dowry from Sita, did Joseph demand any from Mary? Most of us are staunch believers, but money gets the better of our morals and beliefs when it comes easily. But now this social evil has become so prevalent and seemingly irreversible than it has become customary, so customary that to many, it seems as the right and honorable path to follow.

Another popular argument is that the family had to give dowry for their daughter, isn't it only fair that they get something in return when their son gets married? A daughter is treasured and nurtured and her parents want to do everything they can to ensure that she is safe and happy in her new home. The parents go to any lengths, they sell their land, they fall into debt. How can a parent let anything be undone for the safety of their child? It is up to young men of today to stand up and take a high stand, to step up from the lowly one society has placed them on for generations. Everyone loves their mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. Imagine having to pay a price for their love and affection? Then why would you want someone to pay for yours? Somebody smell double standards?  Let us all pray for the day when our daughters get married to men of their own means and of character, who are from families which put relationships above money. The day when our society can proudly boast of such men who refuse to put a price on themselves, who walk into the priceless institution of marriage with open hearts and not outstretched palms.

Vani Venugopal,

19^th Sept. 2014,

Computer Services Centre (IITD)

Uploaded on a night of preparing for the infamous project presentations in IITD where Profs grill you and try to tear your project apart, pushing you to do more and better yourself.

“My spirit never dies,

Fast and safe, deep down it lies

Throw me stones

Prick my bones

Feed me Fire

But only my fear will see a pyre”